Perfection Is Unfortunately Not Me

 Ok I know that I am a total blog slacker lately. I will give the suspected answer that I have been super busy doing things lately. I really do enjoy blogging to the zero people that read my bog, but the truth of the matter is that I am not that good at blogging. You see, I get ideas in my head and I think, "Oh I need to go blog about that!", but alas when I get home and get into bed I find my fingers typing in www.nordstrom.com instead of blogger.com. The truth is that I don't even feel tat guilty about my lack of blogging until my boyfriend one day happens to get bored at work, and wanders on over to anneup and realizes that I haven't blogged in three months(1/2 of our relationship) and calls me out on it! Well I am sure that this paragraph comes as a shock to most of you but it is true... I am not perfect people! Most of you I am sure don't believe me so I will now list some other things that I am not good at.

 Spelling-

      I am seriously am the lousiest speller ever. As I write my blog all I see are red underlined words, and lucky for me my Mac is happy to fix them all for me. I am sure some of you have realized I also don't do punctuation..

 Cooking-

     Sorry to my future husband(whoever you are) but I am not gifted in the culinary arts. You will have to spend a lot of time with take out, mac and cheese, tv dinners, and enchiladas because those are the only things that are edible that I create in the kitchen.

 Mornings-

       Alright so I am not a woman who does mornings, is that really so terrible? The truth is that I can do certain mornings. I have been known to wake up for horse shows as well as the half yearly sale at Nordstrom.

 Sickness-

       I am a big baby. When it comes to being sick I am no mommies brave little soldier, in fact I want my mom to be my slave and cater to all of my needs. I mean she should because I am certain that what ever illness I have at the time I could die from if not taken care of properly.

 Dancing-

      Elaine(see babe I know Seinfeld) has noting on me. I am fine to admit that I am not flexible in anyway(again sorry to the guy that ends up stuck with me) and I have no rhythm. So in a nut shell I am the whitest person to ever hit the floor. In all honesty I really can't d anything artistic at all, I chose not to give art its own section in hopes that some of you are choosing to just read the titles and not the explanations...

  Well my pretties I will let you go for tonight hopefully you do not think less of me after hearing the not perfect news. Also don't be to shocked if I am single after the BF finds out I can't cook. See you in three months.... I'll try to make it sooner this way you don't get high expectations;)

Gypsy Fortunes

 Well when one is in Paris one must do the obvious thing and that of course is to venture into Latin quarter and have a gypsy* read your fortune. So following fate that is just what I did. Here is what I found out about my life past and present please enjoy...

  * I had a very flighty childhood

  * The years 10, 16, and 20 were very big 

  * My life has been rocky but is starting to smooth out now

  * I was in a major relationship that came to and end

  * I will get married when I am in my late 20's to a person I have not met yet

  * I will have two children

  * I will graduate from college but it will take a long time because of my successful career

  * I will have success in my careers, I will completely change careers at 35 and have it forever

  * I love to travel but while away my thoughts are always on home

  * I am very outgoing and go out at night because I feel I have to, but I'd rather stay in with 

        loved ones

  * I have a temper

  * It is very hard to get into my circle of trust, but once you are in you will stay in, however 

         once betrayed by someone they will be out forever. I will let them stay friends but not

         trusted ever again.

  * I will live into my late 80's 

 Well there you are please feel free to comment. In fact I hope you do.....

London Is Calling!

 All right so I have not Blogged in a million years. Needless to say I look fantastic for being that old. I am writing you all from my holiday from Jolly Old England. I am here for a three and a half week study abroad. I live in a flat in South Kensington which is an ultra chic part of town. Lets be honest would anyone with my kind of celebrity status stay in any other kind of place? I think not. I have now been here for one week. I am going to recap the week for the sake of catching all my "readers" aka my mom who only reads it when I show her how to work the computer..... we love you any ways blessed. So any way let us begin.

   Week 1- After traveling for 24 hours I finally arrived in Heathrow airport and on to the Picadilly line tube. Great Britain is already so much fun with their thrilling words like Picadilly and Cockfosters! So after a quite enjoyable journey I arrived in South Kensington and now had no idea where my flat is. Turns out British people are not at all snotty, rude, and boring....well not rude at least, a man told me where I needed to go and I found it quickly. Note to all the American ladies out there, British men love our dazzling straight and might I add white smiles use this to your advantage as often as possible! That day after exploring my room and the rest of the flat which of course is at the top of one hundred(it feels like) stairs we toured around London on foot. It seems that I have waked more this past week then in my whole 22 years. This week I have seen many things that I never thought were possible for how little of time we have been here. These included- The play Pygamilion, which is a non singing version of My Fair Lady for all you non readers out there, a trip to the British Museum to see the Mummies, the new musical Marguerite, which had brief nudity for all you liberals out there! the best version of Twelfth Night that I think has ever been performed, a rousing game of silent football in Regence Park, A tour of The Tower of London where Ann Boleyn lost her head, seeing the play the Chalk Garden, bartering in Camden Market, a very funny performance of the 39 Steps, and a tour of the National Gallery where many paintings of ugly babies, and naked ladies are sure to be! 

  Well as you can see if you have not been to London you need to Mind the Gap and get here pronto! 

 

Mirror, Mirror

Ok so this past week I have been ahving A Lot of random people tell me I look like someone famous,(which is silly because I am famous already, duh). What I find most interesting is that I obviously look like a different celebrity everyday. Maybe it is the way I wear my hair or even just the changes in the weather, but it turns out I look like a few different people. I will now post pictures of my self and pictures of the celebrities I suppose I am channeling and let the readers of my blog decide who I really look like. Enjoy.....

p.s- feel free to disagree and list the name of the celeb you think I look like...

1- Faith Hill.... I need to find Tim



2. Kristen Johnston... is it a compliment?

3. Renee' Zellweger.... This is who My Heritage thinks looks like me.

4.Charlize Theron..... I think the person who thought that was tweaking

5. Rebecca Romijn... I get told this one the most

Ten Things You May or May Not Know

I am sad to say that to some of you I am a stranger. I have allowed myself to be hidden behind long legs and blond hair. Well friends it is finally time that the truth shall set me free. So to let you take a glimpse into the person you thought you knew I have compiled a list of ten things you may or may not know about me. If you already know these things please do not hold it against my blog and come back and read again soon. I am hoping to start taking some blog fiber so I may be more regular posting on my page. Enjoy....

1. I am a Karaoke DJ-

(I suppose that this makes me a KJ actually) Yes, every Wednesday night you will find me at the Canyon Inn singing to an audience of four! *If I am lucky* I have been doing this since January for no other reason then the fact that I was going every Wednesday anyway to feed my ego so I figured why not get paid for it? This is a perfect job for me because of these reasons- I am love to be the center of attention, I love the sound of my own voice, and I have the power to control how loud or soft people sound on the mic! And furthermore if they really bug me and can just cut them off completely! So if you'd like to come see this magical time head on over to the Canyon Inn on Wednesday! The show starts at nine, and yes that was a shameless plug!

2. Deal Or No Deal-

So a few of you may have heard that Deal Or No Deal came through Salt Lake and did auditions. Well after waiting in line for 9 hours and sleeping in the parking lot of the RC Willey, (which is huge mind you because the closest I come to camping is the Holiday Inn), and going through five interviews plus an eleven page survey I am in!.... Well to the next round, which is "our producers will be calling you between June and January!" Ridiculous don't they know who I am? The obviously don't read the glory of this blog.

3. London-

On July 19 I am jumping across the pond because London is calling and I am answering that call! "Hello London! Why yes of course I will come! See you on the 19 until August 15!" I am doing this on account of my goal to graduate from college in the next century... I am close mom I promise. My other goals while in London are, to at least give biscuits and cream a chance, come back demanding a tea time, and as Prince Williams fiancee'. I mean come on I am so Grace Kelly already! The only thing missing is the title of "princess" before my name.

4. 83 Shoes-

The answer to you question is yes. Yes I do own 83 pairs of shoes. And just like children I can almost tell them all apart. I do have guilt feelings when I just can't seem to wear some of them more then others. But I mean the pink Zebra pumps must realize that statistically the black pumps are going to get more wear. It is just science so stop moping around the closet already. I am sick of your emo crap already.

5. Holy Moley!-

So I am covered in moles. I know that sounds really gross but really it isn't. They are all character moles. I have them on my arms, face, bum, legs, chest, back... so basically everywhere! I even have one on my palm which is odd because I don't know anyone who has that. I mean seriously no one ever told Cindy Crawford to remove her mole! I am also assuming that her mole never had a pesky hair growing out of it though... not that mine do...

6. Big Sick-

I have a phobia of chewed gum and wet paper. I thought I would just put it all out there in one sentence. Seriously just thinking about the texture of both of these makes my gag reflex kick in.. in fact I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. I am so bad with the gum issue that I can't even touch my own gum. I have to spit it as far away from me as possible, with my eyes closed of course. Also there should be a law that people can't chew gum in public because they abuse the privilege by chewing it really loud and gross!

7. Acting! Brilliant! Thank You!

People know me, I have many leather bound books, and an apartment that smells of rich mahogany! How do I have this charmed life? Well I am a movie star. I am the lead in the cult classic Mormon action adventure thriller, "Tracker". I know when you see it you will be so impressed, even more impressed when you find out that I do all my own stunts which include- Rock climbing, running across the salt flats, being chased through a cornfield by dogs, falling into a river, and crawling in a pit with snakes! That is right no stunt double. However when I am looking plump in the movie I will say that it is a body double, and because I am such a big deal you will believe me.

8. Poor Unfortunate Child-

I strongly believe that Ursula from The Little Mermaid wrote this about me. I was probably the most unfortunate looking child you could ever imagine. My brother even says that the most embarrassing moment in my life is the ages 7-13. pretty much I looked like a boy gremlin even in a pink dress. Let me paint this picture for you- 5'3, 60 lbs, bull cut, braces, headgear, uni brow, and bicycle shorts. Can you see it? Does it frighten you? Give you nightmares? Me too.

9. Sweet Aroma-

I am not a freak I promise but I love the smell of bowling shoes. Not new ones mind you. I mean that rentals! i don't know what it is about it but I could bask in it for sure! I can't figure out if it is the Lysol, leather, foot sweat, or the mixture of all of the above that really draws me to it. So next time you bowl think of my nostrils.

10. Happy Birthday-

Number ten is another shameless plug, but it is super important! My birthday is June 27 which means that we start celebrating on Sunday, because June is my month! Gifts are greatly appreciated, please refrain from anything under 20 dollars. Just kidding.... But seriously my birthday is a great holiday. God sent a gift on 6/27/86 so why not celebrate our blessings!

Strangers in the Night

Alright so for those of you who don't know I am a very paranoid person. This is not a joke people, it is totally out of control. Let me send you on a journey of my mind so when I tell you the story that goes along with this blog you will be able to better understand and feel sympathy for me. OK so the place where I currently reside (aka- chief and mommies house) does not have one of those fancy garage entries into the house. This means that when I return from a night out on the town (watching 30 rock at Daniel's house) I walk my tired butt out of the garage, up the stairs, unlock the front door, and finally go inside. Not a big deal right? NO!! It is a huge deal! I am sure at one point you momma told you that the Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight (which I find highly irresponsible of him sinners need help too) which is totally true. I am not worried about who's lights are out at midnight, I am more concerned who's lights are on. Mainly Rapists and Murders! My senses are heightened like a cheetah at night, unfortunately I doubt there is anything to make me as fast as a cheetah, I'm a Mangum which means I go from 0-5 never. So while a normal person would get out of the car and casually walk to the door, I sprint as fast as I can taking three steps at a time! I open the door and once I'm in a immediately lock the door. I make sure that I never come home at the same time, so that the rapist waiting int he dark will not have a scheduled attack! I am also a huge fan of saying things that will make the rapist not interested in my bod. As I run I'll yell "It's that time of the month for me right now! I am no use to you!" I am hoping that this will continue to be a clever successful decoy... it has worked so far.

So now that you get a small glimpse into my paranoid state of mind I will tell my tale. So back in January a crazy drunk driver hit my car on the freeway and nearly totaled it. It spent a month and a half at the body shop getting repaired and when I got it back it was perfect... or so I thought. So last Saturday I realize I have a flat tire. I drove it straight to my neighborhood Big O' Tires to get it repaired and much to my dismay it is a blow out and I can't simply repair it. Then the man informs me that because of my choice in buying a safe all wheel drive car I must replace all four tires and they have to be special ordered in. I find no problem with this so I drive my car over to my mechanics to wait for the tires. While it was there I figured to save from further disaster that I might as well have him change the oil and check out under the hood and such. Here is where I get suspicious. So while my mechanic is snooping around all of these wires keep hitting him in the face! So turns out that the body shop put my car back wrong and what they did could have caused my engine to catch freaking fire! See why I am so paranoid! Those body shop boys wanted me blown up! I mean honestly us ladies already have to worry about stalkers in the night, now we can add crazy mechanics with they're butts hanging out to the list!

Give Me Carey or Give Me Nothing!

So Paula Cole once said, " Where have all the cowboys gone?" well I don't really care about the cowboys I just simply want to know, Where have all the gentlemen gone? I mean seriously I work at a law firm and I happen to work in the basement(dungeon) of the building so I get the privilege(anything but) to ride the freight elevator everyday up and down 19 stories. On this ride into hell I come encounter with a plethora of construction workers. So let me ask is it in the job description for construction workers to be pigs? I don't mean this to be offensive if you are a construction worker and are in fact prince charming please by all means defend your case and take me out to dinner. I just have yet to meet prince charming riding to my rescue on his glistening white jack hammer.

So let me relay the evidence as to why I think there are no more "Mcdeamy's" in the world. While riding the elevator to and from my desk I have noticed that "Ladies First" is a thing of the past. Not only do the men sharing the elevator not let me get on or off first, but they barge all there supplies in to the elevator while I am trying to get out! And when the door shuts on me as I finally get the chance to squeeze between their drywall the laugh! Read that last part again.... They don't help me or say sorry they LAUGH! I mean come on boys I think your Momma taught you better!

Also these men never learned a good pic up line. When I get on to the elevator with you try a "Hello how are you? or even the classic, Man the weather is terrible lately." I promise to respond a whole lot better to these comments then when you look me up and down and then as I get off the elevator saying " See you later baby doll, sweet cheeks, or any other form of "compliment" you can muster.

OK last little rant for today. I have no problem with belching and farting, in fact I often participate in these activities at home! Did you read that last little bit... AT HOME! It is in no way appropriate to belch or fart in a confined space with a girl, or anyone for that matter present! Now not only do I have to be in your presence, now I get to bask in your musk all day!

After all of this someone needs to send me Carey Grant stat!

I love You.... Please Don't Eat Me!

So once again I have been a total slacker in the blog department but I have good reason. Three weeks ago I became a vegetarian. I didn't want to jump the gun and let everyone know about it until I had at least two weeks under my belt because then I could prove that I am very serious about this plan. So far it has actually been pretty easy for my to stop the meat flow into my belly, and I am actually feeling a lot better then I have in a very long time which makes me think that maybe my stomach aches and cramps were karma that the animals were sending to me for eating one of their friends. This thought made me think "how would I feel towards a pig if he ate one of my friends?", I believe that I wouldn't be to thrilled about it.

Anyways I started going Veg because my stomach was not very thrilled with my eating habits and from the feel of it wanted to jump out of the fluffy layer of fat that was protecting it and go find another home. I decided that obviously my stomach is not a snail and can not go find a new home, that I better make some changes. I was off to a great start until I realized that I had no idea what vegetarians in fact eat. I made my way to Peta's web site to get some recipe ideas, and found that not only do they have recipes but they have a starter kit for the new vegetarians that they would mail me! What a pleasant surprise!

Well the other day my "kit" arrived in the mail(which was really just a brochure on living vegetarian) and I realized that I do want to be vegetarian. I wont go into details but there was a section titled "Meet your Meat". After seeing the faces of my "little friends" I realized I could no longer proclaim to be an animal lover and a carnivore.

After three weeks I have finally made actual friends with my animal brethren after 21 years of pretending. Not only have I made friends with God's creatures but I have also made friends with even more celebrities! I'd like to end this blog by saying thanks to each of them.

Alanis Morrisette- Hey girl thanks for showing me that I don't have to have both hands in my pocket. Now I have one hand giving a peace sign and one hand holding a Peta sign!

Alicia Silverstone- Whatever! No matter what you say you are a far better vegetarian then me! lol! I mean As If you are a Vegan!

Pam Anderson- Sorry to hear that your 3? 4? marriage, I can never keep them straight, isn't going so well. Thanks for clearing up that your little "movie" was just another I'd rather go naked then wear fur campaign. Nice publicity I do have to say.

Bob Dylan- You know I always believed we were connected because you wrote the song free falling about me, I mean come on loves Elvis and Horses too, you might as well title that song Anne instead!

K.D Lang- When I saw you in concert I totally thought, "If I were lesbian and she were vegetarian we totally could hang out." Well one out of two ain't bad!

And finally to the ghosts of both Bob Marley and Abe Lincoln- You both are equally great men in my eyes and I am more then honored to join your vegetarian ways.RIP.

The Let Down and Purchase of the Century

All right so it has been awhile since I have blogged cry about it a little bit more brother. Well for those of you who have cared I am back with a blog that were I more creative could really be split into a lot of blogs but seriously who has the time or imagination for that? First of all I must say that I have what it feels like three boyfriends and two of the three are letting me down! Before he gets all worried and calls me the actual boyfriend is safe in the disappointed category. My second boy friend is my car "Schven". Schven was hit by a crazy drunk man and almost got given to the dump but thankfully he is a trooper and his love for me pulled out of being used for parts and after thirty days of waiting and separation I was able to put my toes to his peddle and drive off into the sunset. Sound like everything is fine? Well it's not. I think Schven is mad that I didn't come ad visit him at the body shop or something because he keeps "Over heating". I say this in an annoyed tone because he is faking! I mean seriously how old are we that we have to feel like we have to fake sick Schven? I keep taking you in and having to miss work to do it and the mechanics think I am nuts because just like magic the thermostat is at a perfect degree when they drive it, but when I drive it, it's way up in the red. Maybe I should stop complaining I mean obviously my car finds me attractive and it gets just really hot and turned on when I'm touching the steering wheel. So my second let downer is the freaking weather! I mean here I am all depressed missing the sun all winter and it finally comes out to play and then ditches me! Seriously I feel like I am have Deja Vu' to past relationships where the guy says he's going to call at three so you wait around all afternoon and when he finally calls it is three am and his excuse is that it was my fault for assuming he meant three pm. I would really appreciate it if these two would stop with the act and either tinkle or get off the potty! Note for discussion since the weather if technically mother nature does that make me 1/4 lesbian?

So on a better note I have purchased something that I doubt can be beat by any other object anytime int he near future or ever. While recently in Las Vegas I purchased a real Louis Vuitton Speedy! I love it and since I don't have rent I figured I could spend that saved up money on one without any harm. The only problem is that with all the fake ones being passed of as real whenever some sees it they always ask if I got it from a vendor in New York. Oh well at least my Credit Card and myself no it is from the actual store in Caesars. I do however now have to sit in my below the boulevard home and look up at Dan's and wish that I too could afford an organic tomato from Dan's but I blew that opportunity with the purchase of my Louis.