REPUBLICAN ASSAULT VEHICLE

So it has recently come to my attention that I will never be able to drive a mini van. You see as a was pulling on to Wasatch blvd. today I found myself behind a Chrysler Minivan. The speed limit is fifty miles an hour on this street for those of you who do not know. Yet you see I had time to investigate this particular mini van as it was cruising at a whopping thirty five miles an hour. This minivan happened to be white whiched help me realize the stickers on the trunk. the first was bright yellow in the shape of a ribbon and said, " Suppot our Troops". The next was also a ribbon in red, white, and blue. This one said, " God Bless America". the third sticker was different it read, " Proud of my Eagle Scout", and the final next to it said," Proud of my honor student". That is when I realized I had Republicans ahead of me! (In my opinion this is worse then the elderly being able to drive). After this I started noticing that every Mini van I encountered had some kind of sticker supporting the war in Iraq. Do you think that maybe possibly when you buy a mini van from the local used car sales man the company has you sign not only a bill of sale but also cuts your finger and makes you sign in blood that you will now vote for the elephant party? And maybe even the stickers come on the car at the time of purchase? What are myself and fellow Jackasses to do? I suppose that through this recent discovery I cannot have kids. That is it I am so on to those Republicans! They want to end the race of blue blooded Americans! They all got together and decided to stop Democrat breeding by putting support Bush stickers and pro War mementos on the vans! I've heard politicians were sneaky but I mean come on! That is pushing it a little to far I do think. So what are the Democrats going to do to get back at them....... Perhaps putting at home abortion kits in all Hybrid cars? Or how about a gay marriage license in the owners manual of gas efficient cars? I will have to get in touch with Obama and Hillary to discuss this further. I'll let you know on the result ASAP so we can start mating again.

YOUR A GREAT AMERICAN!

So I doubt this is going to be a very long post however there is an important matter at hand. For those of you in denial and who don't own a mirror let me help you out on something..... Americans are fatties! What I find funny is how the Americans who realize they have some junk in the trunk are "trying" to fight the battle of the bulge.

#1 DIET-

These days everywhere claims to let you eat cheap and diet. For example Mcdonalds

has "delicious", "healthy" salad which I'm sure with the 1000 calorie dressing is a

perfect meal for the hopefull weight loser.

#2 EXERCISE-

So now it is story time. The other day I was on my way to the gym when I noticed

about five cars driving around looking for a close parking spot, when there were plenty

of spots in the back of the lot. That's when it hit me like the brick hits Marv in Home

Alone 2, PEOPLE YOU ARE AT THE GYM ARE YOU JOKING! I don't get it. Correct

me if I am mistaken but wouldn't walking from the back of the lot just be helping in

the wieght loss. Also I am stunned to see escalators at the 24 hr Fitness.

Like I stated earlier short post but America the moral of this story is you are not only fat but lazy as well. And I hope you feel like a big idiot

I never imagined........

I must apologize for my next blog before I even start to write it. First and for most I am not a thirteen year old girl or a fifty year old big sick that stalks them on the inter web either(that is my goal in life.... jk) I will shamefully admit that I have been watching American Idol this season. American Idol and I had a small affair back in season 2 of the show, unfortunatly it broke my heart and took the pieces with it. You see that year Rueben Studdard beat Clay Aiken for the win. Now lets be honest here who had the better voice? Who has sold more records? The answer is Clay Aiken my friends he may not know his own sexual preference and may be a little akward to gaze upon but when you listen to a singer on the radio you can't see them anyway! Well after this upset I decided to ban American Idol and never watch it again, I hear I have not missed much. well this year I broke my promise and came out of hidding to watch the show this season. The season has lacked and been quite boring, filled with off tune boys with pony hawks and to many Justin Timberlake wanna bes to make me gag! Yet there was hope...... there was Melinda Doolittle! She was fantastic. Where every night the best performances were nothing compared to Melinda's vocals if she just stood and sang with out the antics. Sadly last night America (who is obviously tone deaf) voted her off and kept Blake Lewis who cannot carry a tune and messes up really good songs by beat boxing to them! So this blog is my public farewell once again to American Idol. When you decide to let talented people win let me know and we will try to work out our relationship.

Big Black Love

This title may come off a little appauling to some folks and I don't balme you! But I can promise you that this statement is far from racist! I am not refering to people fo color at all in this I promise on my mothers life ( and that is serious) This Big Black Lover is in fact my 7 yr old 18. hh Dutch Warmblood/Clydsdale horse named Simon. For those of you out there not knowing the horse lingo that means he is big about 6'4 at the back and could pull a beer wagon.( halloween is going to rock with that) So now that you do not think that I am a racist pig let me fill you in on why I am writing about him ( excuse me in advance if I blubber)

Well you see 2007 has been a rather interesting year for me. And even though I am really happy right now and could not be more pleased with my emotional state of mind, I must look back on the year and think I failed at quite a few things in my life. (to all of you that I have let down I am sorry) Anyway when life seems to bite me in the butt I always can go to my "boyfriend" and he will sit there and let me talk to him. I believe he is the perfect man because. A. He is extremly good looking. B. He is so big he is like my personal bouncer outside my night club of fun, and nobody will dare mess with me. C. He can't talk D. He is trained to stand still and do whatever I want E. The only thing he asks for in return are apples. (the real kind not the dirty kind that all other men ask for.... big sicks!) F. If he gets onmy nerves I just put him away in his stall and do whatever the hell I want with my time. I am sure all the ladies out there are so jealous because I have these traits in my man and they don't....idiots. I also forgot to mention that he has the biggest feet i've ever witnessed in my short years here.(you know what they say about men with big feet.

I do have to say that my favorite thing about him is not physical at all. Simon's best trait is that he will never let me down. He always puts me first and cares about me even when he all instincts are telling him to be a moron. I say jump and Simon literally says "how high?" I mean this is wonderful i have discovered that I never have to put up with dating and stupid boys always letting me down! And i don't have to worry about being treated like a pin cushion because Simon is a gelding which means sex means absolutely nothing to him! All you girls out there keep looking and I am sure you will find a perfect man and you can check off one thing from the Reasons Anne is so much cooler then I am list. But until then I will say the rumors are true about both men with big feet and black men.......... they have huge hearts. (what were you thinking you beastiality big sick!)