On The Down Low...

Alright so I was recently reading an article from the bible (a.k.a Cosmopolitan) and I stumbled over a little ditty in the Man Manual about the dirty little secrets men keep. This sparked my fancy because I thought that woman were the only ones who kept secrets not the other way around! I'm glad to say that even after reading this article woman still have better secret single lives then men do. Man secrets are like the secrets us woman were telling on the playground in preschool. I think its about time that men realize that they will never be able to "one-up" a woman.

So the first confession just proves even further that men truly are big sicks, which is no surprise because we've known it all along. Dwesil* who's name has been changed for this blog confessed that men really do Masturbate (yes Layne I am laughing even writing that word) a lot. The whole article talks about how it is pk that men do this because it is a stress reliever. C'MON
BOYS. Have you ever heard of going for a run? There are much more tasteful ways to relax that are wholesome and a lot less messy. I wish this secret would have remained a secret. But I guess that is what I get for buying a magazine that some grocery stores hide behind the plastic like a Play Boy.

Second confession- Guys Like Chick Flicks. I am so happy to hear this because I have been gutting through horror movies that make me not be able to sleep at night all for a date who turns out would have been more then happy with watching Pretty in Pink. My co-worker Juan*(changed for the blog) said, " Chick flicks are funny and enjoyable, but really the movies we enjoy are hidden chick flicks. These movies have beer , swearing, and boobs in the, yet at the end there is still a happy ending so everyone winds up satisfied. This confession made me mad at boys I have dated in the past who have made me sit through the bloody violent scary movie at the movie theater because they didn't want to go see the latest Kate Hudson, or Matthew McConaughey flick. Jerks.

Confession number three- Men are stalkers. I don't know which male decided that this would be a good idea to admit to but he was a moron. So ladies we have to be even more sneaky cause it turns out men google,mspace,facebook us. Benny* says that they do this so they can take us out on good dates and find out our likes and dislikes, but this is still CREEPY! Whatever happened to asking a girl whether she prefers daisies to roses? I think this is really to get the dirt on us and spy. Now we are really on to you men!

Last confession- Men have fat days. So I guess that every once in awhile men feel fat and bloated and have low self esteem about there looks. I believe this could be true however I see a lot of ill fitting clothes on men. And last time I asked I checked no man will give up wearing shorts because he has bad legs. Also when I go to the water park I see a lot more girls with towels and t-shirts covering there pooch then men who to me seem to let it all hang out.

I hope to never see an aticle like this against woman in Men's Health. Unfortunatly for men it would take alot bigger article then a one page spread to tap into the female mind and figure out what she is thinking. I have been a girl for 21 years now and I still have no idea what the deall with woman is. So good luck.

Boys Please!

So not to toot my own horn but BEEP BEEP! Before I dive into the subject of this blog I must say that you are reading the blog of Employee of the Month at PB&L law firm. You should feel special for reading the blog of the recipient of a special P1 parking spot, fifty dollars cash, free lunch, and my personal favorite, an awesome employee of the month plaque that will hang at my desk no matter how successful I get. Even though I already have these great prizes for my brown nosing skills I would still love to hear a congratulations or more from anyone who calls themselves my friend.

So now onto the actual blog. You will all think I am totally bragging about my life but hey everyone deserves to brag everyonce in awhile. My bragging right of the week is that I just bought a new car! Before I tell you about my "Schven" as I call him I must start out by saying that I am not a lesbian. I am in fact straight as an arrow. I say this because my new car is a Subaru OutBack, which I have learned is the Lesbian car of America after some tennis player came out of the closet and the only sponsor that remained true to her was Subaru, causing all the lesbians of the world to go out and buy outbacks to support their gay rights. I have absolutely nothing against the homosexuals of the world in fact most of my best friends are gay men and I like to think that I am in fact a gay man in a woman's body. However my concern now is how on earth I am going to land a date if those I come in contact with judge me by my car and start trying to hook me up with their great independent lady friends! So those of you reading this blog please start to inform the world of my sexual status and let them know that I love my car no matter how it makes me look I think it is great and I chose it for a reason! Besides I find Subies to be very cute reliable little cars, not so much butch.

So now I will tell you about "Schven". He is a 2000 white Subaru outback 5 speed, with two sun roofs, six cd changer, heated leather seats, and all wheel drive. I named him "Schven" because he seems like an outdoorsy Icelandic man to me. My last car was a red sports car but had lots of miles so I named her Blanche in honor fo Blanche from the Golden Girls, and before Blanche I had a 4-runner named Mcswiggen, I don't really know how he received that name. "Schven" and I are going to doing such things as ice fishing and rock climbing together just because I feel as if I woe it to him for beings such a good little Japanese import.