So I have found myself pondering about what to blog on for about three weeks and I have been drawing blank after blank. I was wandering through the blogspot land trying to get inspired by someone elses life. I soon discovered that I have to write my own story and through my daily ritual something had to come along that would be interesting enough to blog about. That hot gossip came today....
To start this off properly I must give a back story. My birthday is June 27. This particular birthday brought on a new era of my life, I turned twenty one which means along with the whole liquor thing I got to go get a new drivers license! Well for most people this would be something very exciting and they would probably not let there license be expired for two months to the day like I did. Today I finally got so sick of my mother nagging at me that I decided to bite the bullet and "get er' done". If I had only known what a good blog opportunity this would turn out to be I probably would have not stalled nearly as long.
So I drive to the address of 799 N. & Redwood Rd. to find The Drivers License Office in the same parking lot as Save-On Groceries, Dollar Tree, and right next door ? You guessed it Gen-X clothing. As i walked through the doors I realized that everyone there had taken a special shopping trip to Gen-X for that perfect license photo outfit. (the license picture is key in getting pulled over and getting out a ticket, this making shirt choice very important) Tube tops in retina burning shades for the ladies 200+ lbs. for the ladies, and camo wife beaters for the fellas with juiced up biceps are very in this season for those of you wondering. Damn my business lady attire! At the main desk I get my paper work and a number. I am number A109, they are currently on F354. Does this mean I have to wait for the alphabet to get back to the start? So the mullet haired lady tells me to take the open seat on the back row next to the "homeless looking man"( hey I didn't say it she did!) until my number is called.
Here my friends is where the true story begins. So this man that I must sit by looks and smells like he has not showered in years! I mean honestly he had to have been able to smell himself! And therefore should have had the courtesy of wearing a sign that read, "Distance please. Your nasal hairs are in danger!" I mean that would have been the Christian thing to do! But no! I get to sit there next to the smelliest man I have ever encountered and let my nasal passage gag! My eyes begin to water, great now I am going to look like Alice Cooper in my picture. No tube top and now "Be my Frankenstein" eyes. This guy really put a damper on my life.
So what if he really couldn't smell himself? Wouldn't whomever he lives with let him know that he smells like a 50 year old bowling shoe never worn with socks? OK then the other question arises. What if nobody lives with him? ( not surprising with that stench cloud of his) Am I now obligated to tell him about his stinkyness? And if so how do I tactfully say that to a stranger. Tell me what you think of these ways. Polite- " Pardon me Mr. Homeless? Your aroma is a little ripe. Would you mind bathing sometime this year?" Less Polite- "Excuse me, you stink." Humorous- "Is your deodorant running? Well you better go catch it!" Sneaky- " Do you smell something awful? I really hope that is not me." I am sure there are more ways out there.
I don't know about you but if I smelled even a little bit... "off" I would appreciate if I were informed. So next time you see me go ahead and lift my arm and sniff right in the pit. I wont even think you are weird. I will know you are just being good neighbor, trying to keep global warming at bay.
