Guilty Pleasure

I was recently cruising the old blog spot.com and I started to realize something about most all blogs. I realized that everyone is writing about things they like of dislike, hobbies, favorite movies, foods, and which family members they secretly find attractive(I will assume this blog is from the southern states). I found myself reading through my posts and thought "Good golly!" I am so sorry to my readers(all 2 of them) that they are reading a blog and not even beggining to see what Annie up is really all about! So I would like to take this time to blog about my guilty pleasures so the American people can finally have a glimpse at my soul. Who knows maybe we will find that we have things in common, and maybe if I were looking we would realize we are in fact...dare I say it?...SOUL MATES!




Well first and formost I love "CHICKLIT". To help you non girls out there "CHICKLIT" are Novels out there for the female sex to read. These books contain high profile characters who usually lead fantasy lives. Ex: In Candace Bushnell's new book Trading Up, we follow the glamorous life of Janey Wilcox a Victoria Secret model trying to marry the right millionare and try to live a life in the upper east side of Manhattan walking around in $50,000 pearls and Burberry boots. I am sure you can see why this is so fabulous for most people. However for the big sicks in the world I will also have you know that there are some....sexual scenes. Yes "CHICKLIT" is full of little fantasy scenes that are juicy enough to call for a cold shower after the chapter ends. So "CHICKLIT" we salute you, your hot scenes, and excellent taste in designer fashion.



Now speaking of designer fashion I do have a guilty shoe pleasure. Sprouting from this addiction I have almost entirely given up going to the animal shelter and letting the dogs out of their cages. I now find my way to the closest Designer Shoe Warehouse and give the shoes the chance to get out of the box and go for a stroll down the catwalk most call the aisle. I am very happy that I have such a kind heart because everyonce in a while I will even take a few pairs home and let them sleep in my nice cozy cedar chest.(yes my shoes sleep in cedar, don't judge them because they are beautiful) I will even let my pride down and say I tear up when ever I enter the old DSW. Thank you designer shoes for always looking fabulous no matter how uncomfortable you may be!



Earlier on I mentioned Candace Bushnell now this is a guilty pleasure genius for she created the most fantastic book that turned into the most fantastic series! We must give her a pat on the back for giving us Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, and Miranda Hobbs. These are my girls from Sex and the City. Oh how much I love that show! Where else can I dream that a writer really could afford a nice apartment and have $40,000 worth of Manolo Blahnik shoes? I have to thank you Sex and the City for giving me much needed advice in fashion, sex, and men. And congratulations on being almost as fabulous as The Golden Girls!



Oh The Golden Girls... When a stranger asks me in passing on the streets,"What would you like to be when you grow up young lady?" I easily reply,"Well kind sir, I would love to be the perfect blend of Dorthy Zbornack, Sophia Patrillo, Rose Nylen, and Blanche Devereaux." The most beauticul cocktail of older ladies I know are The Golden Girls. They teach me such wonderful life lessons and wonderful things like great combacks! In season 3 the girls sing about Miami and how stylish it is to live there, well I say Golden Girls, Golden Girls you've got style! Grey hairs, age spots and wrinkls by the mile! Oh I cannot wait to be old so lets all go to the tanning bed to help get us to that golden age faster!



Now my last guilty pleasure is possible because of one very good man friend of mine. My newest guilty pleasure is listening to the arm chilling, relaxing, smooth as butter vocals, and earth rotating lyrics of Lyle Lovett. If you are reading this and have never heard Lyle before, I recommend you buy a cd and let him serinade you immediatly! Your well being is at stake here people! So thank you HB for introducing me to my new friend Lyle, if I had a boat I'd take you HB on the ocean and if I had a pony I's let you ride it on my boat. And to you Lyle... thank you we "Lovett"!

REPUBLICAN ASSAULT VEHICLE

So it has recently come to my attention that I will never be able to drive a mini van. You see as a was pulling on to Wasatch blvd. today I found myself behind a Chrysler Minivan. The speed limit is fifty miles an hour on this street for those of you who do not know. Yet you see I had time to investigate this particular mini van as it was cruising at a whopping thirty five miles an hour. This minivan happened to be white whiched help me realize the stickers on the trunk. the first was bright yellow in the shape of a ribbon and said, " Suppot our Troops". The next was also a ribbon in red, white, and blue. This one said, " God Bless America". the third sticker was different it read, " Proud of my Eagle Scout", and the final next to it said," Proud of my honor student". That is when I realized I had Republicans ahead of me! (In my opinion this is worse then the elderly being able to drive). After this I started noticing that every Mini van I encountered had some kind of sticker supporting the war in Iraq. Do you think that maybe possibly when you buy a mini van from the local used car sales man the company has you sign not only a bill of sale but also cuts your finger and makes you sign in blood that you will now vote for the elephant party? And maybe even the stickers come on the car at the time of purchase? What are myself and fellow Jackasses to do? I suppose that through this recent discovery I cannot have kids. That is it I am so on to those Republicans! They want to end the race of blue blooded Americans! They all got together and decided to stop Democrat breeding by putting support Bush stickers and pro War mementos on the vans! I've heard politicians were sneaky but I mean come on! That is pushing it a little to far I do think. So what are the Democrats going to do to get back at them....... Perhaps putting at home abortion kits in all Hybrid cars? Or how about a gay marriage license in the owners manual of gas efficient cars? I will have to get in touch with Obama and Hillary to discuss this further. I'll let you know on the result ASAP so we can start mating again.

YOUR A GREAT AMERICAN!

So I doubt this is going to be a very long post however there is an important matter at hand. For those of you in denial and who don't own a mirror let me help you out on something..... Americans are fatties! What I find funny is how the Americans who realize they have some junk in the trunk are "trying" to fight the battle of the bulge.

#1 DIET-

These days everywhere claims to let you eat cheap and diet. For example Mcdonalds

has "delicious", "healthy" salad which I'm sure with the 1000 calorie dressing is a

perfect meal for the hopefull weight loser.

#2 EXERCISE-

So now it is story time. The other day I was on my way to the gym when I noticed

about five cars driving around looking for a close parking spot, when there were plenty

of spots in the back of the lot. That's when it hit me like the brick hits Marv in Home

Alone 2, PEOPLE YOU ARE AT THE GYM ARE YOU JOKING! I don't get it. Correct

me if I am mistaken but wouldn't walking from the back of the lot just be helping in

the wieght loss. Also I am stunned to see escalators at the 24 hr Fitness.

Like I stated earlier short post but America the moral of this story is you are not only fat but lazy as well. And I hope you feel like a big idiot

I never imagined........

I must apologize for my next blog before I even start to write it. First and for most I am not a thirteen year old girl or a fifty year old big sick that stalks them on the inter web either(that is my goal in life.... jk) I will shamefully admit that I have been watching American Idol this season. American Idol and I had a small affair back in season 2 of the show, unfortunatly it broke my heart and took the pieces with it. You see that year Rueben Studdard beat Clay Aiken for the win. Now lets be honest here who had the better voice? Who has sold more records? The answer is Clay Aiken my friends he may not know his own sexual preference and may be a little akward to gaze upon but when you listen to a singer on the radio you can't see them anyway! Well after this upset I decided to ban American Idol and never watch it again, I hear I have not missed much. well this year I broke my promise and came out of hidding to watch the show this season. The season has lacked and been quite boring, filled with off tune boys with pony hawks and to many Justin Timberlake wanna bes to make me gag! Yet there was hope...... there was Melinda Doolittle! She was fantastic. Where every night the best performances were nothing compared to Melinda's vocals if she just stood and sang with out the antics. Sadly last night America (who is obviously tone deaf) voted her off and kept Blake Lewis who cannot carry a tune and messes up really good songs by beat boxing to them! So this blog is my public farewell once again to American Idol. When you decide to let talented people win let me know and we will try to work out our relationship.

Big Black Love

This title may come off a little appauling to some folks and I don't balme you! But I can promise you that this statement is far from racist! I am not refering to people fo color at all in this I promise on my mothers life ( and that is serious) This Big Black Lover is in fact my 7 yr old 18. hh Dutch Warmblood/Clydsdale horse named Simon. For those of you out there not knowing the horse lingo that means he is big about 6'4 at the back and could pull a beer wagon.( halloween is going to rock with that) So now that you do not think that I am a racist pig let me fill you in on why I am writing about him ( excuse me in advance if I blubber)

Well you see 2007 has been a rather interesting year for me. And even though I am really happy right now and could not be more pleased with my emotional state of mind, I must look back on the year and think I failed at quite a few things in my life. (to all of you that I have let down I am sorry) Anyway when life seems to bite me in the butt I always can go to my "boyfriend" and he will sit there and let me talk to him. I believe he is the perfect man because. A. He is extremly good looking. B. He is so big he is like my personal bouncer outside my night club of fun, and nobody will dare mess with me. C. He can't talk D. He is trained to stand still and do whatever I want E. The only thing he asks for in return are apples. (the real kind not the dirty kind that all other men ask for.... big sicks!) F. If he gets onmy nerves I just put him away in his stall and do whatever the hell I want with my time. I am sure all the ladies out there are so jealous because I have these traits in my man and they don't....idiots. I also forgot to mention that he has the biggest feet i've ever witnessed in my short years here.(you know what they say about men with big feet.

I do have to say that my favorite thing about him is not physical at all. Simon's best trait is that he will never let me down. He always puts me first and cares about me even when he all instincts are telling him to be a moron. I say jump and Simon literally says "how high?" I mean this is wonderful i have discovered that I never have to put up with dating and stupid boys always letting me down! And i don't have to worry about being treated like a pin cushion because Simon is a gelding which means sex means absolutely nothing to him! All you girls out there keep looking and I am sure you will find a perfect man and you can check off one thing from the Reasons Anne is so much cooler then I am list. But until then I will say the rumors are true about both men with big feet and black men.......... they have huge hearts. (what were you thinking you beastiality big sick!)